When abuse, whether real or fictional, is talked about in media, one of two things usually happens. The abuser is either completely dehumanised and painted as an evil caricature, or given a tragic backstory that makes the victim feel so sorry for their abuser they end up forgiving them.
And I think this is part of why it can be so hard to believe we ourselves are going through abuse. Because when it’s you going through it, you see the human side of your abuser too. You see them cry, and laugh, and overcome adversity, and be vulnerable, and feel scared and small. You see them struggle and you see them genuinely try to spend quality time with you, and you see them show the ways they love you. Sometimes, you can even see that they mean it when they say they love you.
And because we’ve been taught that “actual” abusers are all bad, heartless, merciless, and lacking in humanity, and everyone else is just a suffering person who hurt others because they were hurting inside, we think what we’re going through can’t possibly be abuse. We think we’re exaggerating, or being weak, or selfish. We punish ourselves for not being more understanding of what they’re going through. We convince ourselves we’re making it all up and we’re the monsters in our own story.
But we’re not. We’re just not used to acknowledging that abusers are human, and that their humanity does not negate their abuse.
If you’ve ever questioned your abuse because your abuser was struggling, or genuinely loved you, or was trying their best, or expressed conflicting emotions, or was abused themselves, this post is for you. I believe you. I believe what happened to you was abuse. Their circumstances did not justify their actions.
I was confused why nibbly singled out steph at the beginning of the lords in black song because to our knowledge they have no connection, tinky made sense for pete and blinky said it was specifically about graces actions in the show as to why she was singled out. But nibbly and steph, why nibbly? Then it hit me, an image came flashing into my mind, like I was enola holmes, we havent seen of heard anything about steph’s mom, I think she might have been a honey queen.
I kinda’ love that Nibbly was the Lord in Black which the fandom generally seemed the least interested in, probably because he was only really ever a presence in the last two or so minutes of Honey Queen, but then Starkid went “oh and in NPMD he’s played by Kim in a pink wig” and everyone pretty much immediately went “#stan.”
